| On literature (or lack thereof) |
[Dec. 28th, 2008|03:41 pm] |
Let me start out by saying something that will probably get me mauled by a crowd of rabid twelve-year olds:
The Twilight series is the worst piece of literature trash that I have ever read in my entire life.
Well, that and Eragon. But my opinion of Paolini's horrendous rendition of dragon myth and blatant copying of Lord of the Rings and Star Wars is a rant for another day.
"I bet you haven't even read the books! Edward is awesome!"
You're absolutely right in saying that I haven't read any of Stephanie Myer's books. I read a grand total of two chapters of Twilight while standing in the aisle at Borders out of curiosity. I couldn't bring myself to continue much past that because the writing was so terrible. And let me just say that I loathe every one of Myer's characters because a.) they're boring b.) you can't possibly hope to identify with a girl who has no aspirations to be seen and c.) there's no real characterization. At all. And you know what makes a story? The characters. You see the world through their eyes when you're reading, not your own. And all I got out of Bella Swan ("beautiful swan"...Yeah, Myer, you're real original) was "I hate Forks." Well, I'm not a huge fan of Fairfax, Virginia either, but I don't reiterate that fact every second sentence. And don't even get me started on Edward. He's your a-typical, cliche vampire who was probably snagged right out an Anne Rice novel: unbelievably handsome, mysterious, dangerous, and...sparkly? I'm sorry, but I can't find myself being attracted to someone who's skin sparkles in the sunlight. And, last time I checked my mythology, vampires incinerate in the sunlight. For those of you who are vocabularly retarded, that means burn up. Apparently that little anecdote of vampire lore doesn't apply any more. And I suppose I'm the only girl in the entire world who thinks Edward's habit of showing up everywhere that Bella happens to be is downright creepy. In reality we call those stalkers, and they're bad. Some of them even end up being serial killers! Imagine that.
"You can't possibly have an opinion if you haven't read the awesomeness that is Twilight! You suck!"
If I suck for reading what I like to call real books, then I don't really care. Not all literature is created equal, a fact that is being made more painfully clear with every shitty novel that becomes a national fetish. Exhibit A: Eragon and Twilight. I'll also admit that I didn't understand the Harry Potter craze. But at least Rowling was original. At least her writing was interesting. And at least her characters grew. Character growth is an integral part of writing, ladies and gentlemen. Take that and an real plot out and all you have is toilet paper with words. And, from what I've seen/read/heard about the Twilight series, there isn't much of a plot to speak of. All Bella wants to do is be with Edward forever and possibly get in his pants. Although, since he's a vampire and thus part of the undead (you know, like zombies), I'm pretty sure he doesn't function the same way as a human male. I've come to the conclusion that Twilight is kind of like masturbation without the work or the mess. Yeah, that's probably a little inappropriate, even for me. But really, I think Myer wanted a guy like Edward so badly that she interjected herself into the story (ahem, Bella) so she could have her fictional way with him. Kind of creepy, when you think of it that way, huh? I won't even touch on how degrading that is for females as a whole and how stupid these girls are for fawning after said ideals. Hey, guess what? Edward's one of those abusive boyfriends you call the cops on after he threw you down the stairs or told you that you're fat.
I think part of the obsession with poor-quality literature these days is because 98% of kids don't want to get out from in front of the television long enough to read a book. My younger sister is a perfect example of that. I think the only books I've ever seen her really read were Harry Potter and Twilight. Reading is seen as a "nerd's activity" these days, and it's something that is saddening. A lack of intellectual stimulus, such as reading a book, is what makes people so dull and, well, stupid today. And, before somebody says something, I do not count Twilight as intellectually stimulating. If anything, my brain died a little inside when I read those two chapters. You want intellectual, go read Chaucer. Oh wait, you don't know who he was? Try being proactive and look him up instead of giving me a stupid blank stare. Hardly anybody can tell you what Ivanhoe is about, and peoples' idea of The Three Musketeers comes from bad movie adaptions. Did it ever occur to anyone that the story of Icabod Crane and Sleepy Hollow is actually a book written by Washington Irving and not just a cartoon or a bad movie with Johnny Depp? Of course not, because you didn't even know it existed until now.
Granted, not all of the literary classics are particularly interesting. My dislike for Charles Dickens' unecessarily long novels and my bewilderment over an entire chapter on nautical knots in Moby Dick are stories for another time. I don't like every book I pick up and read. But, Dickens and Moby Dick are classics for a reason. They've withstood the test of time since their publications in the late 19th century, and they're still being taught in many universities across the country. For Christ's sake, my mother read my archnemesis David Copperfield when she was a senior in high school. These days, you have to be in either IB or AP classes to even read 1984. People piddle through the classics because they're deemed as "difficult" to read. Run-on sentences, "big words", and *gasp* literary devices abound in classic literature. But I don't want to hear it. Try reading The Canterbury Tales when you're 14 and in the 8th grade. I got through it just fine. I'm pretty sure you can too, you know, if you actually tried to understand what you're reading. It's called comprehension, and it's something that you're doing right now as you read my words. Holy shit. And you thought reading comprehension was something you only did in school.
Most people think that I'm really intolerant when it comes to Twilight and its mass of frighteningly rabid fans. Yes, I'm intolerant. I'm probably more intolerant of the Edward Cullen craze than I am of the inclusion of lactose in my diet. I've even been called an elitist by some of the more die-hard fans, my sister included. I'm not going to dispute it, mostly because I am a literature elitist and damn proud of it. I refuse to dumb down my god-given intelligence with some woman's sexual fantasy that just so happened to get published and become a hit. If anything, I do what everyone should do, and seek to further my intellect outside of a classroom environment. I learn more by reading and teaching myself than I ever will sitting at a desk and listening to a teacher drone on and on for hours. How else do you think I became so articulate in my writing and how I talk? It's because I read books that are above a fifth grade reading level. By the time I was 14, I was reading at the level of a college freshman. That isn't because I'm some sort of genius or anything, because trust me, there's nothing more spectacular going on up in my skull than yours. It's because I sat down and pushed through the questions, the vocabulary, and everything else that made my brain feel like it was going to explode. Yeah, it took me longer to read The Hunchback of Notre Dame then than it does now, but you know what? Actually taking the time to do so helped me out a lot in the long run. But in this day and age, nobody wants to take time to do much of anything. Screw your fast-paced lifestyle. I'll read Anna Kerenina even if it does take me two months to get through it.
In conclusion, Twilight is a pitiful excuse for a book, and those that have been around (and will continue to be around) are what you should really be reading. Stop watching your reality TV and pick up something like Ben Hur or A Clockwork Orange. Who knows? You might actually like it. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vintage1988's journal
discontent
melancholy
optimistic
irritated
blank